So, Dionna and I are pretty much inseparable. She is the best friend a person could ask for. I really have no clue how we even became friends but this night definitely made the friendship final. It was a Friday night, and it was the first night we had ever spent together. Which we had planned to be total and utter chaos. Translation: complete blast. Speaking of planning, we had been planning this for weeks. Anywhere from Biology to via text message. This was going to be THE best night. Her parents picked me up that night from Donna’s house and the night had started.
We just hung out for awhile at first. Talking, laughing, and such. But then the real fun began. Our minds went crazy with ideas, which is never a good thing when we’re together. We decided that duct tape would be the item of choice that night. Her parents had went to bed and it was just me, her, and her sister, Kylie, left up. That meant pure fun and pure trouble.
We got the camera and started with the arms. With the camera in Kylie’s hands, Dionna and I began taping our legs together. My right to her left. It was a mess. Even know we had the tape on over clothing it hurt so much when we pulled it off. We stumbled around the house for a good twenty minutes while Kylie snapped pictures and videos every other second. We almost fell over many times and rested many more. After all of this, it was time to remove the tape.
After many quick rips of tape from cloth, it was all over. And the arms began. Being the people that we are, we never even begun to think about the consequences of having arm hair, which we had very little of after the process. It started off fun and stayed that way until time for removal. That part was so not fun. We laughed and cried while getting a free arm wax. Hahahahahah. The end!
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Excellent Robin
ReplyDeleteHey I see that this is just a rough draft so my teacher told me just to give you advice for possible ways to improve it.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I don’t think that it’s a good idea to start your narrative with “So…” It doesn’t sound good and more importantly its not interesting to read its neither “eye-catching” nor attention grabbing.
Secondly It would be great if you say more about your friend because from what you have written so far I only understand that she is the best but I can not really imagine how she looks like and how she behaves what do you have in common with her ..
Also instead of writing with bigger font size “the” in this sentence “This was going to be THE best night.” in order to accentuate on the fact that this was going to be great and very fun, just tell me more about your feelings and hopes.
“Our minds went crazy with ideas, which is never a good thing when we’re together.” – here you can add why it is never a good idea, what happened in the past just with a few words you can describe a situation from the past
Another advice that I want to give you is to try not to begin your sentences with “And”, “So”, “Because”.
I am looking forward reading your final draft, Robin :)
I agree with Maria
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